i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
