I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
