I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
