tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
