i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
