What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
