Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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