I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
