Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
