You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
