I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
