Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
