Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
