I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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