I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
