I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
