Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
don't judge my taste in strippers
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
