He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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