Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
