She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
