We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
