Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
