I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
