he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I want her autograph on my taint
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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