Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
