she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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