I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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