I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
