I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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