in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
