i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
