I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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