the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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