There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
