Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
