So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
