There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
