My boss' voice literally gives me gas
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
