she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
