I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
