how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
