she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Randomize
