I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
