I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
