Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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