shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
