it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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