No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
