I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
