That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
